Warning: this article contains spoilers for the Netflix Series “Love is Blind.”
If you haven’t hopped on the Love is Blind bandwagon, now’s the time. They’ve released most of the new season on Netflix, and the drama is as high as ever.
If you’re not familiar with the premise, it goes like this:
A group of single men and women perform a series of one-on-one dates over the course of 10 days in specially designed “pods” divided by a wall. The contestants can only hear, not see, each other, allowing them to feel out the relationship through conversations and not by physical attraction. And thus, the show addresses the question: Is love really blind?
After the 10 days, contestants leave with a marriage proposal or hit the skids. The show then follows the engaged couples as they meet face-to-face, go on vacation, and return to the trials and tribulations of everyday life before their wedding day, a whole four weeks after they meet.
In the end, only the couples who say “I do” at the altar truly prove whether or not “Love Is Blind.”
Is it corny and ridiculous? Yes. Does it make for excellent entertainment? Definitely.
What makes the premise of Love is Blind so intriguing is it promotes the cardinal rule of a successful marriage: open and transparent communication.
Basically, if you form a relationship based on transparency — about your past, life goals, hopes and aspirations, habits and quirks — then you’ve set the foundation for a happy and lasting union — separate from looks or circumstances.
The real question is, can you effectively have those conversations in the 10 days contestants are given to form their relationships?
If the couples’ success rate is any indication, the answer is no. Out of the 34 couples engaged over the previous five seasons, only eight have gotten married. That’s 16 out of 150 contestants for a 10% success rate.
So, if communication is key, and every Love is Blind relationship is built on this foundation, what’s going wrong?
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Where Love is Blind Goes Sideways
One of the more exciting elements of Love is Blind is contestants cut through the riff-raff quickly.
Armed with only their personalities and a list of “get to know you” questions, it doesn’t take people long to dive into the deep stuff: Do you want kids? What was your home life like growing up? What have you learned from past relationships?
It turns out even the best conversation starters can only get you so far. When the couples start their engaged life outside of the pods, communication always finds a way to break down.
Confrontation Style
In the middle of season six, Johnny mentions he can’t wait for him and his fiancée to have their first fight.
It might sound weird, but it’s actually a totally reasonable desire. The first fight is an essential milestone in any relationship and provides invaluable insight into how your partner manages conflict, both with you and with themselves.
For many couples on the show, the first crack in the foundation becomes apparent after their first fight.
For example, if one person is conflict-averse while the other is bullheaded, there’s a lot of communication that will have to take place to understand one another — something that can take months and sometimes years to sort out. And something that definitely can’t be sussed out in the pods.
If one partner is unwilling to work towards a solution, this can (and does) spell trouble down the line.
Past Relationship Triggers
If I had a dime for every time a contestant mentions their partner’s behavior triggering a bad experience from the past, I’d have…a couple of dollars.
The point is you usually can’t anticipate a “triggering” relationship moment until it happens.
You can talk about past relationships in the pods, but you might not realize how grating someone’s behavior is until you see it in the wild, as exemplified by Lauren and Jeramey’s first argument in the Dominican Republic.
In this case, Lauren had told Jeramey a joke in confidence that he shared in a group setting. This resulted in a blow-up where Jeramey left the beach party early. The next day, Lauren reveals the situation gave her bad flashbacks to past relationships where she was embarrassed by her significant other.
There’s a lot left to be desired in the way both Lauren and Jeramey communicate. Still, it’s apparent no matter how you connect within the pods, you’re exposed to a limited side of your partner’s personality and behaviors.
Standards of Living
One of the more entertaining aspects of the show is when the couples move in together post-vacation and experience each other’s quirks firsthand. Without fail, the biggest pain points come down to standards of cleanliness.
It’s not the sexiest thing to discuss, but let this be a cautionary tale for future Love is Blinders: always ask about cleaning habits.
You can learn a lot about a person from their propensity to pick up around the house, and while this may not be a deal breaker for some people, a lot of times, it is.
Family Dynamics
Put this in the “we’ll worry about it later” discussion category because that seems to be the trend on Love is Blind. While many contestants discuss family life and aspects of their prospect’s childhood, they rarely dive deep into how that dynamic could affect their relationship.
From interracial dynamics to overprotective parents, there are plenty of good reasons to discuss and plan for this ahead of time, and 10 days in the pods won’t cut it.
After all, when you marry someone, you’re marrying their family, so getting your house in order with constructive dialogue is always encouraged.
Communication Styles
I pegged it immediately — there’s no way Jimmy would be a good communicator. His inability to articulate his feelings even before proposing to Chelsea was the first red flag.
Being a good communicator takes time, skill, and effort. However, doing the discovery work on communication styles and working through it in real-time is often the only way to make progress. This simply can’t be accomplished in 10 days.
The fate of Chelsea and Jimmy’s relationship is yet to be known, but if their bickering and passive-aggression is any indication, I wouldn’t bet on them to last.
Finances
This is a throwback to season five, but it’s a great example of how failing to talk finances can spell relationship ruin.
In this case, Stacy discovered Izzy had considerable credit card debt with weeks to go before their wedding. As a person who assigns high value to being fiscally responsible, this is a huge plot point in the season and a turn in the relationship for the couple. Though they eventually talk through it, Stacy ends up rejecting Izzy at the altar.
I can’t stress this enough: the money talk is one of the most critical conversations you can have before marriage. It not only reveals information about your partner’s spending habits but gives you insight into how they value money and what their overall goals are.
We can’t say if this was the nail in the coffin for Stacy and Izzy, but it certainly didn’t help.
The Takeaway: Healthy Communication Takes Time & Intention
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: communication is everything. But if Love is Blind is any indication, it’s not enough to just communicate.
You also need to ask the right questions and, further than that, let long-term behaviors do the talking.
I’m not surprised only 10% of Love is Blind contestants make it. Healthy communication takes time and intention. This doesn’t mean you’re doomed if you can’t figure it out in four weeks, but it does suggest when it comes to love, you’ll benefit from more than 10 days to have the most valuable relationship talks.